A Note To a Younger Self

Today's guest post comes to you from Tim Carter, a talented writer, traveller, future-teacher and all-round awesome human. I am trying to convince Tim to start a blog, you should too. 

When Claire first asked me if I would write for her blog, I have to admit I was a little bemused. I’m not really the type in any way to actively search out advice or meaningful connections with others online, and my general attitude to 90% of social media would have me burned at the stake in the Middle Ages. Yet there was something inexorably fascinating about becoming a facilitator in that situation, so I agreed.

In the days since, I’ve gone over in my mind a thousand times what it is that really drives me and what I’ve learnt and gained from any adversity in my life. Even that sentence sounds a little corny to me now, so it’s probably time for me to just lay it all out there. This will be brutally and perhaps painfully honest and if there’s one lesson I learnt very quickly when I needed to it’s that the best example to make is quite often of yourself. So I wrote a letter, from present day me to the guy that 5 years ago succumbed to depression. To the guy that spent years in a bit of a daze trying to cope, and to the guy that will continue to do so from time to time for the rest of his life. Because that’s just how it goes.

Hey mate,

It’s early morning back here at home and the dew is already starting to lift with the fog. I looked outside late yesterday afternoon and saw the most incredible late Autumn day I have for quite some time and I thought of you. The leaves were turning all around, the grass was green, and the smell of a wood fire on the brisk air made me feel like there was warmth nearby. But not yet. Not for us, anyway.

Have you been getting many shifts? It’s tough out there sometimes I know. Pouring beers is never as fun as being on the other side of the bar, but it’s good to have a deeper understanding of what’s going on with people in that sort of social situation. Whether you choose to realise it now or not, this knowledge will help you so much further down the line. You’re in a prime position to peer through the looking-glass into all that goes on there. The basic understanding of the physical effects of drinking too much are easy enough to understand, but it’s from here that you need to understand it as social and mental conditioning.

Watch the way they interact with each other. Are they at ease? Do they do shots when they’re awkward? Have you done similar things? It’s funny how many people seem so intent on human contact, placing themselves in busy walkways on busy nights. Happy to go shoulder-to-shoulder for hours on end. These are the ones that we really need to worry about.

That’s you right now isn’t it? The dark moods and desperate lows are only more frequent now. Day and night is merely a concept, because what’s the difference when you’re only going outside for a cigarette?  Missing the first week of Uni to avoid the Orientation bullshit rolled on and on and now you somehow think you can relate to a topic 9 weeks in and write an essay on a subject familiar to you only through dot-points on a PowerPoint. You hear your housemates come and go, but their complaints of how much work they have to do only makes you feel as though they’re not doing it. And so neither will you. Still not playing footy? Really? That makes me sad. That’s been such a big part of your life and there’s really no reason not to.

This is where you’ve trapped yourself, and if you would only turn around for a second and look at it from a different angle you would see that you’ve suppressed it all. Everything good that was around you is still there. It still goes through the same sensory processors but it’s your information management systems that get it wrong. In short, something isn’t working with your mind, and deep down you know it.

Those friends and family that loved you a year ago only love you more now, or else they’d have moved on. Those friends and family that you’ve helped in their times of need are trying. My god Tim, they’re trying so hard. But you’re stubborn and that can be OK, you want to help yourself, but let them help you do that.

There is only one way to start this healing process, but it’s something that you can use for the rest of your life. Look around you at all the people that love you. Future doctors, lawyers, musicians, raconteurs and all round good people. Stop for a few minutes and look at the things about them that you love more than you love yourself right now. Stop for a few minutes every day, and stop denying yourself this pleasure. The more you do this, the more you will realise that there is a lot to love about yourself.It sounds tough to hear now, but right now I couldn’t be happier that you’re going through this. To know that your love for everyone around you is going to help you get better. To know that the best of you is yet to come. To know that you will live, love and learn to take a step back and be completely overawed by the people and the world around you. But most of all, to know that those people around you will help you to become a better and more significant part of their magic.

There is an inherent give in our being. A sort of soft spot through which we indulge our fellow man. Whether it be a kind word here and there or a nod of a head to a random. It doesn’t matter. Roll with it. Let yourself feel the giddiness that goes with a truly selfless act, for it is one of the only true highs known to man. The sudden knowledge that deep down it is a real feeling in all people and that all man is good.

I’m not saying it’s easy and I’m not saying it’s a quick fix. For despite your best efforts it will take years and you will lose people you love, but that’s not you. That’s life. Not all things are meant to last, some are meant to hurt you and go flying over your shoulder into the passing wind. Let them go.

If this post resonated with you, please share it around or leave a comment below. Have you ever written a note to your younger self?